Let Hope Come In . . . .

I think that I have officially hit the wall this last week.  I have felt so overwhelmed with life.  I have said Yes, Yes, Yes to everyone for everything &; I have realized that I just can NOT do everything!  I can't watch every one's kids, &;  I can NOT take food to everyone that has a baby or an injury.  That is what my life has been for the past, well, uhh, just a long time.  So, I have ran & ran & I am breaking!  No, really I am!  I cry all the time, I turn into these angry fits & just yell, at who, you ask, MY FAMILY!  The one's who I am not saying YES to all the time.  And , why not, aren't they the most important ones for me to spend my time & energy with.

So, today I realized that Tess needed a lunch as she was running out the door.  I told her that I would have Clayn run her a lunch after his Dr's appointment this morning.  And I must add, that I have not felt good & honestly I thought that I was going to throw up, I was sick!  So, I went & got her lunch ready & then I went and laid in the bath tub, to see if that would help me feel a little better.  In the middle of this, I had left my cell phone downstairs.  So, while I was in the tub I lost track of time; it was about 11:45 when I got out.  I heard my phone ringing & had Parker run & get it for me.  By this time it was about noon, it was Clayn calling me from work & he had not been back to his office for very long.  I asked him about Tess's lunch & he said that no, he hadn't taken it to her & that it was on the kitchen counter.  As I got looking at other calls on the cell, I had missed 3 calls from Tess, with a message in her darling little voice saying, "Hi, Mom!  Are you going to get me my lunch!"  Yes, I FAILED!  I called & yelled at Clayn & put my hair in pony tail, I was wearing grey sweats & a Oregon sweat shirt, just so you know I was looking HOT!  So, I grabbed Parker & we had to walk 4 blocks & over about 5.  Not too far, But far enough.  By the time I got up there, it was 12:20, and I found Tess sitting in the lunch room with one of the cute aids, that gave Tess her school lunch.  Tess came up to me with tears in her eyes & said "I tried to call you!"  I told her that I knew that she did & I was so sorry.  She gave me a hug & I told her that I was so Sorry! The secretary looked at me like I was the biggest Loser EVER!  I honestly felt like such a JERK!

Then, we got home & I had to grab Parker & walk back up to a grocery store that is just 2 blocks away from the school & grab some food.  Our Bishop's wife has thrown her back out & can't hardly walk & they have 5 little kids with one being just a baby, so I had been asked if I could do dinner for them tonight.  If I had been thinking, I would have taken my purse with me the first time so I wouldn't have to go again.  Clayn did meet us up there & he did drive us home.  Then I came home & was in the kitchen  from 1 until 5:15 .  I think that dinner turned out good, I didn't eat, because I still don't feel well.

Moral, of the story, I get going a hundred miles an hour & then I fail with my own family.  So, I am saying NO from here on out, I can't keep it out.  Not really, I'm not going to say No all the time, just a little more often.

Remember, in the movie Hope Floats, when Sandra Bullock who plays, Birdie is running to school in her night gown taking Bernice her lunch, and Bernice won't even acknowledge that she is her mother.  Well, that is how I felt today!  The worst mother ever!  I mean really, there is my darling girl waiting for her lunch & I am at home in the tub!  All I can say, is I dropped the ball!  But, thank goodness, I have a very forgiving girl.

I have to know my own limits & not be CrAzY, all the time!   I am going to strive to be a better wife, mom & friend!I love this quote from Hope Floats & I just need to remember this . . . . .

“Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That’s what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will…”

-Birdee from the film Hope Floats