Wow, I'm not even quite sure where to begin this post, other than to say Thank You! Thanks to all of you, who have called to see how I"m doing, thanks for all of the support, from prayers & fasting. I truly do have the best family, EVER! And most of all, Thanks to my Heavenly Father who truly does hear & answer prayers!!!
This is probably going to be a long post, but I am doing this for me, this is part of my dealing with all of the happenings of this past week & truly the past 20 years of my life.
Yesterday, Clayn, my Mom, & I went to Salt Lake to The Moran Eye Institute. What an AMAZING place, & I feel so blessed to have somewhere as good & professional as this, close enough for me to go to. So, we got up in the morning & got ready. We stopped at Taipan in Ogden on the way down. Oh my word, I love this place, we spent almost an hour in there & Clayn was a very good sport! Then we stopped at Target to grab me a new pair of sunglasses, because my other ones were scratched & I knew that I was going to be in desperate need of them. Then we ate at The Rodizio Grill, it was good, Clayn was in heaven we hadn't been there in a while, & where he served his mission in Brazil, he loves the place. Afterwards, we headed up to the Moran. Which is up my The University of Utah Hospital, The Huntsman Cancer Center & Primary Children's Hospital. I had no idea that they were all up there together.
After answering a ton of questions, & filling out paper work, they took me back in a room & dialated my eyes, oh Yeah! My favorite part, 3 drops per eye, Fun Times! So, a lady looked in my eyes first & did a little visual field test with her hands, & I have to add here that every single time they do this, it throws me off, to truly see that I have no visual field. It's pretty bad when she is right in front of my nose & I have to cheat to move my eyes to find how many fingers she is holding up. My mom & Clayn got a kick out of me cheating on this test twice & moving my eyes, to really see how close she was. Then they took me into another room & let my eyes dialate even more, and then a Resident came in & had a very bright light that she kept on having me look up, down , left, right, one eye at a time, holy cow, if I wasn't blinded before this point I surely was when she was done. Then Dr. Teski came in & took a look. The mole is B-9 which is always a great thing to hear! It took them a little bit of time to actual find the mole because it's back quite far in my eye. The really shocking news came next, there is absolutely no way to remove this mole. Because it is on my retina, and the retina is in the back of the eye & is attached to brain tissue, and the only way to remove the mole if it was malignant, would be to completely remove the eye. I know! I just sat there! Holy Cow!
Now, I knew that this really could be a complicated trip, I thought that if they did need to remove the mole, then they could laser it off. NO WAY! I would have lost my left eye!!! I felt then, just as I do now, like I've been hit with a ton of bricks. I mean, I only see 1% anyways, but to completely lose my left, eye, & only have .05%, that is half of my vision, & more importantly to actually lose my whole eye. That would truly be divesting! I have to add that, I know in my heart that even if the mole was bad, & they would have had to do this, drastic procedure, I know in my heart & head that I would be alright! I know that's easy to say, but I have thought about this almost constantly since. I would have to go through all of the different emotions, that would come along with something like this. The ANGER, The HEARTACHE, The Longing of losing my eye. It would also take me time to adjust, but in the end I know with out a doubt that I would be alright. And I"m not saying this, because I think that I"m all brave & strong, because I know that I am not. But, I know that through the love, comfort, & peace that only comes from my Heavenly Father, I would make it & I would be OK. And I truly know that right now also, because, just because the mole is alright & I won't be losing my actual eye, I am still losing my eye sight. Either way you look at it, I am losing my eyes!!! And even though, I have this disease that is slowly taking away my physical vision, there is another sort of vision, out there that I feel like I am gaining. Eternal Vision! This is something that is sooo much more important than, our physical vision. And just because, so many in the world do have their vision from their eyes, they have lost their spiritual vision. I believe that it's even more sad for them. I know that this world is such a short term place & I know that once I return home to my Father in Heaven my vision will be restored, but even more importantly than that, is that I want The Lord to be proud of me & the vision of HIM that I have gained.
I read an article last week, that kept me going through out the week, by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, called "Come What May & Love It." And that is what I have decided has to be my theme for my life right now. I cannot choose the out come but I can choose, how I'm going to deal with this. He taught 4 principles that I want to hi-light:
1 - Learn to Laugh - life is hard, but you need to be able to find humor in your trials.
2 - Seek for the Eternal - All of life is part of the on the job training, it helps to build our character & helps us to increase our compassion for others.
3 - Understand the principle of Compensation - That which is taken away will be added unto them in his own way. ( I truly, know this to be true!!)
4 - Trust in Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ - they truly want us to succeed & they want to help us, we just have to ask!
And the last thing that I loved is this, Elder Wirthlin's Simple Secret; "Put your trust in the Lord, Do your Best, & Leave the Rest to Him!"
This has truly gotten me through this past week! I read this & re-read this & I truly do know that these things are true!
As I was filling out paper work yesterday, I read this quote from Helen Keller, that just really hit me & I found it on line:
"I who am blind can give one hint to those who see - one admonition to those who would make full use of the gift of sight: Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be stricken blind. And the same method can be applied to other senses. Hear the music of voices, the song of a bird, the mighty strains of an orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf to-morrow. Touch each object you want to touch as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail. Smell the perfume of flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and taste again. Make the most of every sense; glory in all the facets of pleasure and beauty which the world reveals to you through the several means of contact which Nature provides. But of all the senses, I am sure that sight must be the most delightful."
I love this!!!
One more thing & then I will be done, but here is one of my favorite scriptures, it always has been : "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; & lean not upon thine own understandings." in Proverbs. It is only upon the Lord, who I can truly find my strength to make it through this trial/blessing that I have been given.
Yesterday, Clayn, my Mom, & I went to Salt Lake to The Moran Eye Institute. What an AMAZING place, & I feel so blessed to have somewhere as good & professional as this, close enough for me to go to. So, we got up in the morning & got ready. We stopped at Taipan in Ogden on the way down. Oh my word, I love this place, we spent almost an hour in there & Clayn was a very good sport! Then we stopped at Target to grab me a new pair of sunglasses, because my other ones were scratched & I knew that I was going to be in desperate need of them. Then we ate at The Rodizio Grill, it was good, Clayn was in heaven we hadn't been there in a while, & where he served his mission in Brazil, he loves the place. Afterwards, we headed up to the Moran. Which is up my The University of Utah Hospital, The Huntsman Cancer Center & Primary Children's Hospital. I had no idea that they were all up there together.
After answering a ton of questions, & filling out paper work, they took me back in a room & dialated my eyes, oh Yeah! My favorite part, 3 drops per eye, Fun Times! So, a lady looked in my eyes first & did a little visual field test with her hands, & I have to add here that every single time they do this, it throws me off, to truly see that I have no visual field. It's pretty bad when she is right in front of my nose & I have to cheat to move my eyes to find how many fingers she is holding up. My mom & Clayn got a kick out of me cheating on this test twice & moving my eyes, to really see how close she was. Then they took me into another room & let my eyes dialate even more, and then a Resident came in & had a very bright light that she kept on having me look up, down , left, right, one eye at a time, holy cow, if I wasn't blinded before this point I surely was when she was done. Then Dr. Teski came in & took a look. The mole is B-9 which is always a great thing to hear! It took them a little bit of time to actual find the mole because it's back quite far in my eye. The really shocking news came next, there is absolutely no way to remove this mole. Because it is on my retina, and the retina is in the back of the eye & is attached to brain tissue, and the only way to remove the mole if it was malignant, would be to completely remove the eye. I know! I just sat there! Holy Cow!
Now, I knew that this really could be a complicated trip, I thought that if they did need to remove the mole, then they could laser it off. NO WAY! I would have lost my left eye!!! I felt then, just as I do now, like I've been hit with a ton of bricks. I mean, I only see 1% anyways, but to completely lose my left, eye, & only have .05%, that is half of my vision, & more importantly to actually lose my whole eye. That would truly be divesting! I have to add that, I know in my heart that even if the mole was bad, & they would have had to do this, drastic procedure, I know in my heart & head that I would be alright! I know that's easy to say, but I have thought about this almost constantly since. I would have to go through all of the different emotions, that would come along with something like this. The ANGER, The HEARTACHE, The Longing of losing my eye. It would also take me time to adjust, but in the end I know with out a doubt that I would be alright. And I"m not saying this, because I think that I"m all brave & strong, because I know that I am not. But, I know that through the love, comfort, & peace that only comes from my Heavenly Father, I would make it & I would be OK. And I truly know that right now also, because, just because the mole is alright & I won't be losing my actual eye, I am still losing my eye sight. Either way you look at it, I am losing my eyes!!! And even though, I have this disease that is slowly taking away my physical vision, there is another sort of vision, out there that I feel like I am gaining. Eternal Vision! This is something that is sooo much more important than, our physical vision. And just because, so many in the world do have their vision from their eyes, they have lost their spiritual vision. I believe that it's even more sad for them. I know that this world is such a short term place & I know that once I return home to my Father in Heaven my vision will be restored, but even more importantly than that, is that I want The Lord to be proud of me & the vision of HIM that I have gained.
I read an article last week, that kept me going through out the week, by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, called "Come What May & Love It." And that is what I have decided has to be my theme for my life right now. I cannot choose the out come but I can choose, how I'm going to deal with this. He taught 4 principles that I want to hi-light:
1 - Learn to Laugh - life is hard, but you need to be able to find humor in your trials.
2 - Seek for the Eternal - All of life is part of the on the job training, it helps to build our character & helps us to increase our compassion for others.
3 - Understand the principle of Compensation - That which is taken away will be added unto them in his own way. ( I truly, know this to be true!!)
4 - Trust in Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ - they truly want us to succeed & they want to help us, we just have to ask!
And the last thing that I loved is this, Elder Wirthlin's Simple Secret; "Put your trust in the Lord, Do your Best, & Leave the Rest to Him!"
This has truly gotten me through this past week! I read this & re-read this & I truly do know that these things are true!
As I was filling out paper work yesterday, I read this quote from Helen Keller, that just really hit me & I found it on line:
"I who am blind can give one hint to those who see - one admonition to those who would make full use of the gift of sight: Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be stricken blind. And the same method can be applied to other senses. Hear the music of voices, the song of a bird, the mighty strains of an orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf to-morrow. Touch each object you want to touch as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail. Smell the perfume of flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and taste again. Make the most of every sense; glory in all the facets of pleasure and beauty which the world reveals to you through the several means of contact which Nature provides. But of all the senses, I am sure that sight must be the most delightful."
I love this!!!
One more thing & then I will be done, but here is one of my favorite scriptures, it always has been : "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; & lean not upon thine own understandings." in Proverbs. It is only upon the Lord, who I can truly find my strength to make it through this trial/blessing that I have been given.
Me & My Mom before we left.
Me & Clayn ~ I love him!
Me waiting for Dr. Teski, my eyes were huge.
Here are some pictures they took of my eyes, they are pretty cool. It's my retina, in image #1, the dark part is the mole, & then in the others the little black & grey dots & patterns is the RP, and the last image #21 is all of the photos put together with how the eye looks from all the images combined. I thought that it was all pretty cool!
4 comments:
sweet Jonesy!! Happy to hear your great news!
I am so glad that everything is okay! This is great news!
Love ya!
Thank you for keeping us informed. The images of your retina we so interesting! I used to have a heart condition and had to have surgery to correct it. I wanted to stay awake to watch the images the tiny camera sent of my heart while they were performing the correction. They wouldn't let me. I love the human body--it is amazing.
You are amazing, my dear friend. Glad you had a helpful visit.
Melissa, I am always so amazed and inspired by you. You are just so incredible. I am so grateful for this post. I get so caught up in the seemingly difficult things in my life that in the scheme of things really aren't that difficult. I don't laugh enough and sometimes fail to find joy in the journey. So thank you. Thank you for sharing. You really truly inspire me.
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